Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Death is Not the End

Last night at 3:50 am my mother's father, my grandpa, Lorenzo, passed away. He was old, after he was in his 90's. He had lived a full life, if we will all be so lucky. Not that its luck. He as a good man, with good genetics, and a large family. His death due to a combination of old age and complications due to a fall that occurred sometime on Sunday. He had been living in an assisted care center for a couple months now. But he had been doing well, most of his pain was due to arthritis.
I am sorry if I sound insensitive to my own grandfather's death. Everyone deals with death differently. Most of the time I deal with death by being matter of fact about the situation. The second set for me is usually to be reflective. At some point I will start having regrets, and eventually I will cry. The tears are almost always because I know I will miss them and it will be a long time till I will be able to see them again. But my tears are never because I don't know if I will see them again. I KNOW that I will. I know that death is only the end of this test of life. After this we return to our Father who made us, who loves us (Alma 40:11). In the next life there is not going to be all this "stuff", everything will be better. Death can be scary, the idea of dying before being able to live life fully, but I have come to realize that death is a blessing. It is a blessing to the one who is found ready to return home. Have you ever been home sick? Well I get homesick, not just for being back in Mesa with my family, but to be back home with my Heavenly Father and family. There has been times in my life were I was ready to go Home. Although there were still a million things on Earth that I wanted to do, they didn't matter, I could have moved on without them, if it had been my time. However, I would have a hard time now. Unlike my grandfather who has lived a very full life, I have not. I only got married 2 1/2 months ago, there is still so much I need to do.
Death is hard on those who are still alive. I started this book, "Anybody Out There" by the Marion Keyes. I was almost half way through the book when we realize that the husband didn't just leave his wife and she is trying to get him back, instead he died in this car accident. He died and she lived. They had only been married a few months. I can't get myself to finish the book. It hits too close to home. I don't know how I would pick up the pieces of my life if that happened to me. I waited 27 years to find the guy I could marry and be happy with. There is the comforting thought that we have been sealed in the temple for time and all eternity. He would still be stuck with me. But to not have children, or if we did have children to raise them alone... death is always hardest on those who didn't die. But its a blessing to those who do.
I regret that I didn't get to see my grandpa one last time. The last time we went up to Mesa I took the Phlebotomy class and my family went to go see him, I didn't have time to go. I wish I had found a way to make time. I know my grandpa was proud of me. He loved science and was so happy to finally have a grandchild take interest in biology. He did a lot with his life. I know he still had his regrets. I hope that although I know I will have regrets, I hope that I can live a full life to, make the best of the time I do have and I pray I can pass the test.

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